Not alone - Costa Rica 2026

I’m visiting Dave’s sister Sandy in Costa Rica right now. She lives in the jungle. For real. I am surrounded by tropical lush flowers, like bird of paradise and torch ginger. There are bananas growing right in front of me and huge palm leaves. There are little critters like Basilisk lizards, also known as Jesus Christ lizards because they can sprint across water. There is one sitting on the Koi pond looking at me as I type. I’ve also seen a mother and baby Agouti - which looks like a very large, long legged guinea pig. Yesterday there were monkeys in the tree tops right outside her door. The jungle.

(The birds just got very loud. Maybe they can see over my shoulder and know that I’ve forgotten to mention them. How could I? They’re my favourite. I’ve seen loads of birds that I don’t know but also flocks of Scarlet Macaws and parrots. Who forgets this detail?)

And while it is truly the jungle, it’s not primitive. I’m right beside Marino Ballena National Park,  and I can walk to a river for a swim and I can walk a bit further and be at a vegetarian restaurant and have lunch. So far I have walked to the river for a swim but have not ventured further. Maybe today.

Yesterday I went to school with Sandy for half the day. She teaches grade 5-7, English and Art in a little private Costa Rican School. Only the library is air conditioned and that’s where the first two classes were. I always love watching Sandy teach. She is a teacher through and through. She has great enthusiasm for the material (because she’s chosen it) and she loves those kids. She lets them know what is expected of them and she emphasizes what they’re good at and that she has complete confidence in them to progress.

Even as we were arriving at the school I had a strong sense of her Dad. Jake loved Costa Rica and even more, he  loved his kids. He had this way of beaming when he talked about them. I had a real sense that he was loving watching Sandy live this season of her life. She’s a seasoned teacher but not jaded as many become. Her acquired skills, capabilities and wisdom benefit everyone in the school. She navigates the diversity of her students’ nationalities and socio economic circumstances with confidence and kindness. She takes the time to see them and understand them. I think that’s what the students enjoy the most.

At lunch time she drove me down the road to a beautiful spot for lunch that looked over the Pacific and the National Park. As she made her way up the narrow, winding gravel road I sensed her Dad again. Partly because he would have loved this but also because he would have loved this for her. All of it. The decades-long adventure (and hardships) culminating in her doing what she loves, living in peace in a place most of us would call paradise and sharing all of it with those around her.

I told her I was feeling him and how I felt his beaming smile from the other side of the veil. She said she felt him often. And when she missed her Dad and brothers she would go sit by the ocean. She felt them there the most.

She dropped me off at La Cuisinga Lodge where I would spend the next few hours having lunch and enjoying the view. I had my laptop - as I often have - and planned to write. As I often do. But then don’t.

La Cuisinga is a touristy place, or maybe just a little higher end than a local would frequent very often. But definitely a place a girl ignoring a budget and on vacation would go. 

I sat down at the table for two along the edge of the restaurant and marveled at the long stretch of beach. It’s the beginning of whale season here. I was told I might see some if I was lucky but we weren’t far enough into the season to see any breach. I watched but didn’t see any. I wasn’t disappointed. How could this ever be disappointing?

The empty chair across from me made me think of Dave. He would have loved all of this as well. Including the morning at the school. Sandy might have conscripted him to regale the class with stories or a reading and I know he’d be thinking “how can we come here and teach alongside her.”

For sure he would love everything about this place. He would have been working his magic with his camera and would likely have been down to the river first thing every morning. Also he’s not as allergic to heat as I am and even I’m not suffering!

A wave of longing washed over me for the way things could have been. The life we had planned for retirement.

Then something remarkable happened.

I checked my phone.

I had an email from my friend Mim.

Tracie!!!!

I sit here at my table eating my breakfast every morning with a beautiful view… including our hummingbird feeder. They come every few minutes and somehow it’s always a thrill!

This weekend Tara was here and as we sat together a hummingbird came right up to the window and hovered there greeting us!!  I instantly remembered when the same thing happened on October drive when you were visiting us!  It made me think about Dave….and you!

Wow. When those things happen in such a timely manner I have to wonder if he’s sending me a message that he’s still around, still with me and still enjoying the view! That was a nice little reassurance.

Then I got a second message. Our friend from Qatar, Phylicia popped up on messenger. After Dave died Phylicia set up an email account for people to send memories of Dave to. She gave me the password at that time I’m pretty sure but before I’d ever opened it I’d lost track of it. So had she. But today….today!...she messaged to say that she’d found it. I could now, 5 ½ years later, access those emails.

That’s quite a coincidence.

I was here in Costa Rica a few years ago and had met a couple who were staying in a little cabin beside mine. They invited me over for pre-dinner cocktails and we got talking. They were curious about how I was there alone and the whole story came tumbling out. They were very moved and I felt a connection to them right away. They are such interesting people. I have kept in touch ever since.

During this same lunch at La Cuisinga she also sent me a message. She had seen my posts earlier in the week about the sad death of Glen Hansard and asked if I’d seen the movie Once. She was watching it as she messaged me. I said that I had and Dave and my girls learned to sing and play “Falling Slowly”. It will always be a fond memory for me. I told her that I was back in Costa Rica where we had met years before. I told her about the other two messages that I’d received and wondered if Dave was letting me know that he’s with me. I didn’t know if she would think that was weird or not. She said “he definitely is! You were so loved.”

I was. I am. And so is he. Still today.

These connections (and there have been a lot of them) don’t break my heart in two anymore. They’re actually comforting and joyful. Would I rather he was with me physically? Of course! No doubt. But lasting gorgeous bonds like the one we had are made of much deeper stuff than bodies. Thank goodness! We were bonded not by linking arms (or anything else) but by spirit and soul and compassion for each other and kindness and something you can’t touch physically.

I believe I felt that something yesterday. I’ve felt it many times but I also have a deeply skeptical side that always wonders if that’s real.

I’ll hang onto this one for a while.

**In the evening Honour sent me a message about her day and the messages she felt strongly from Dave…it seems that the spirits are breaching the surface even if the whales aren’t.